What do you see? When you look through the lenses of your eyes (the doors to the soul I once heard beautifully quoted), what story lays before you and how do you read it?
And when I say read it, I mean how does your perspective challenge its meaning?
Perspective is defined as and has been a huge evolvement of my psychology since reading Marc ???? book, The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn. Marc’s practice and research has him concluding that relationship problems stem from one person being a lion and the other a unicorn (with the latter usually being male, much to their dislike), with these characteristics coming from how we were treated when we were growing up and how, in our young black and white minds, digested and reacted to the experience.
Why has this book made me think so much? Because since losing my cousin in the most unexpected manner and suffering a miscarriage shortly after, I thought I was going insane. My actions and thoughts were just crazy! And I could see them as crazy, but couldn’t put a stop on them. They were this bubbling volcano of sporadic thoughts, fears, anxieties and more. Why was I doing this? I do yoga, I meditate, I practice, I try, try, bloody try! So why am I feeling like this?
Because my perspective of myself and therefore the world around me was that I wasn’t good enough (which is what the try, try, try moments are about). If that is what you think of yourself, the world around you also won’t be good enough.
I can’t believe I actually thought it at the time, but whilst going through my miscarriage, I was still thinking about going to work the next day on the yoga teaching training programme I was on because I didn’t want to let anyone down. To let people down made me feel like I was a very bad person, allowing myself to confirm I wasn’t good enough (told you so). But 2 days after my miscarriage I went back to teach, telling people I was fine. When someone says their fine, they are very far from it. Fine is a word that allows you to keep emotions safely locked inside as it doesn’t take too much breath to muster and then cuts anything off short. I was not fine, I was numbing. I was numbing every single cell in my body so I couldn’t feel the pain. But you see, the thing is, when we numb, we’re not getting rid of the emotions sent to be expressed. We lock them in our bodies instead. And when something gets locked stuck inside of us, after a time it becomes toxic until our bodies become so rigid our minds become affected and thus our thoughts and perspective.
My perspective of not being good enough was exacerbated to extraordinary levels, but because I was unaware of my deeply ingrained perspective and the needs and wants behind it, I simply carried on reacting. A question I realised I asked myself a lot when things didn’t go the way I wanted (but more accurately, my perception was that I had failed at whatever challenge had presented its self to me) was “What am I doing wrong”? Not being good enough always made it my fault. When the shit hit the fan, I should be the one to sort it out because I was trying to prove I was good enough. I just really wanted to be good enough.
How do you know or find out what your perspective is? Well, how do you see the world? Do you get angry and argue your point? Or do you avoid at all cost for an easy life? Marc ???? explains that anger comes from a place of shame and guilt and therefore not being good enough, whilst avoiding at all costs is from fear.
After all these years, I’ve realised I’m the former. Going blind with rage at the smallest of things, thinking I had to do it all and I should do it all comes from a place of shame and not being good enough, a characteristic built from childhood experiences (which I am not in any way looking to blame on my parents, because when we blame we can never heal and move on).
Our perspective is held in our limbic brain, which may be impossible to erase. But by becoming aware of your reactions and giving them attention, they become less powerful and controlling. And I’ve found one of the best ways of doing this is with Anodea Judith’s Cross Current work. Taking a negative in your life and stating out loud its positive, to a friend or into a mirror if working alone, you listen for the negative voice that comes in after:
Your intention: “I am wholeheartedly enough and more”.
Crosscurrent: “HAHAHAHAHA! Give me a break. No one bloody likes you, just shut up”!
You know this voice, right? That nasty little thing that makes you doubt and choose a completely different story. We all have it so don’t feel you are the only one. When this little voice is paid attention, exaggerated and set free, it gives up. It’s one of the best tools I’ve been given.
If we can become aware of our perception, we can see just how we view the world and how we react to it. What we are choosing to do that is possibly holding us back and making us miserable.
The world isn’t a bad place, our perception is.