Gratitude for Grief…

Gratitude for Grief…

It’s a strange thing to say, but hear me out.

I went through a complete torrent of grief which began in 2017. It ripped through me and pretty much everyone I knew around me, my entire life as I knew it got completely flipped on its head and it continued to drown me to unimaginable levels.

But in and amongst it all, I heard a little voice. I actually remember where I was; at my mum’s house on a summer’s day. More than a voice it was a feeling, an inner knowing that kept saying ‘You’re going to be ok’ and I clung to it and have done ever since. It brings me comfort.

Fast forward 6 years and I am ok. It’s been hard but I am ok. You see, grief is like a really crap and scary rollercoaster that you can never get off of. You’re strapped in, forever.

I’m aware that analogy sounds horrifying and in essence, it is (welcome to grief) but the more we resist it, the worse our experience of it is.

If we can appreciate it for what it is, some weird ride that is going to change direction all the time, surprise you by lifting you up to the highest of highs one second and then chuck you into a tunnel of darkness the next. You kind of just have no choice but to go with it and dare I say it, enjoy what you can?! You’re on it forever – This. Is. Life.

And it’s so wonderfully, horrifically scary and magic all at the same time.

My experiences with grief have taught me so much. I am where I am today because of it. I’ve pushed myself, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve been terribly uncomfortable and I’ve experienced some pretty amazing things, but most of all, I’ve learnt SO much. These things wouldn’t have happened if my life hadn’t changed course.

Grief has chewed me up and spat me out. But it’s also gifted and led me to SO much

I’m doing what I LOVE for a living; grief led me here
I am surrounded by incredible people; grief led me here
I have an insatiable thirst to learn more about myself and to help others; grief led me here
I have so much love in my life; grief led me here
I appreciate it all so much more now

I’m aware this all sounds like a little bit like toxic positivity as if I’m somehow saying that grief is great. It’s not. It’s hell. And it’s really hard. But it highlights a very simple fact of life – people die but life continues to move forwards around you.

So when you feel yourself entering that dark tunnel, screaming and crying and begging for it to end, know that there will soon be light. So feel your feels. Talk about your feels, strap in and enjoy the horrifyingly beautiful ride and never have any guilt for feeling joy in the mundane and the highest of highs.

Your experience of grief will only make you a stronger person, I promise.

You. Have. Got. This.

If you’ve read this far, I hope my words resonated, or in some way maybe brought you some comfort in knowing you’re not alone in your experience.

Sending you an abundance of love and support.

Chloe x

If you’re struggling and want someone to talk to, my DM’s are always open @yogi_banks