I’m writing this in a cloud of change I have created since my return from a 1 month intensive in Miami training in MMA (mixed movement arts which include yoga, martial arts, calisthenics, mobility/animal locomotion). Change that was completely my choice, that gets me totally excited with its endless possibilities and that is exactly in line with who I am and who I really want to be.
But I’m struggling. Struggling with letting go of the old habits I used to practice because society instilled in me that money reflects how much I am worth, and right now, the River Roding has more going on than my bank account (and it’s dry people). Struggling because no matter how hard I try, I feel like it’s not enough.
It’s not enough, or I’m not enough?
Who can relate?
Why, as human beings, does change create such an emotional rollercoaster?
Because change is going into the unknown with no clothes on and asking your fellow human beings (and the Universe if you believe) to join you in your vision, on your adventure – you’re looking to be accepted. And when you don’t find that tribe, that gathering of people on the same wavelength as you, rejection is what follows. That great idea now seems dangerous and stupid and FAILURE flashes up in your third eye chakra like a nuclear bomb.
Yes, I am feeling all of this right now in this moment. But guess what?
I’m smiling. I’m smiling because this is just an emotion. An emotion is a movement of energy caused by our central nervous system placed under a demand. An emotion is a reaction to a demand, which then becomes a habit. So my go to habit when change thunders towards me is of not being good enough, wanting to run away (I was looking up villas in Ibiza this morning that I could elope too Swiss Family Robinson Style with the fam and breed my own goats), and of thinking I’m a huge failure. I can see all of this debris and rubbish play before me now, when before I was into all of this holistic stuff (as my nanny June so likes to call it), I allowed it to define me. This was when I was emotionally addicted because I didn’t realise I had a choice towards my reaction to my emotions. What generally tends to happen is, when we experience a situation of whatever nature that places the demand, we delve deeply into the memory bank to find a similar situation for us to compare and work from i.e. your boss accosts you very aggressively for doing something wrong, your brain remembers the same situation with your parents and how you dealt with their abusive behaviour by shutting down, becoming very scared and quiet, so that’s how you react. It’s kinda like a protection thing. But as we get older, these protective suits of armour we put up as children are usually the limiting thought processes that create our reactions and addictions to our emotions and therefore keep us going round and round in that never ending circle (nice work brain).
At my emotional addictive stage, I allowed myself to become these emotions us good old humans have put words too and made even more difficult to deal with instead of just feeling them and letting them go. You see, you aren’t the emotions that course through your veins wanting to pull you into a place of blurgh. I think of them now as a moment that will pass, unless I allow them to pull me down and suck me in. And sometimes that’s hard (I hear ya people – chest bump!) But it’s also a choice. I’m really sorry if this offends people, but life is all about choosing HOW to react to its demands; and you can choose the painful self-suffering way or you can choose to make it better. Life doesn’t want you to suffer, why would it?
And I CHOOSE not too to sit and suffocate myself with these emotions and thoughts (as easy as it is). I choose to get out and be with people that make my change feel right. I don’t allow myself to sit alone and let my brain create a story that isn’t real to keep me from exposing it as the evil baddie it sometimes is. But my biggest revelation is the power of moving my body. Exposing my body to movement, environment and community. Moving by myself or with others inspires an energy no emotion could strangle. We need to get out of our heads and into our body more to live a more harmonious life, because life is a physical experience of survival. If we use tools such as movement in its various forms, instead of emotions to survive, we’re onto a winner.
I offer my clients not only yoga, calisthenics and mobility classes, but the opportunity to clean up and clear out these limiting beliefs with Emotional Movement therapy. An opportunity to connect and feel (something we’ve been taught not to do because numbing makes it soooooo much better, deep sigh) with trauma, abuse (from self and others), negativity and limiting habits.
We no longer have to remain emotionally addicted to our bad habits with the wealth of knowledge we have. Time has changed, we’ve changed. But if you have trouble with this, with being able to adapt in this life and all of its spontaneity, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Reach out, ask for help, move, get active and choose the change that creates a life worth living.
I believe it’s worth it.